I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
Randomize