Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
Randomize
