Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
Randomize
