If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
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