Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
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