Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
Randomize
