just watched an entire episode so you think you can dance for head. so wasn't worth it
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
Randomize
