Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
Randomize
