Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
Randomize
