I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
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