My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
I only kidnapped one of them. chill
Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
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