Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
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He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
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Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
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