Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
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