Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
Randomize
