So you maybe wanna hang out again? I could use the $5
Whatever I can do to help stimulate the economy
I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
