we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
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