he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
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