you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
Randomize
