i want to bang the Snorg tees girl.. shes always smiling ;)
That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
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Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
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lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
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