I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
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