You can't special order awesome
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
you had me at cake vodka
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
Randomize
