allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
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Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
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They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
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