Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
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