then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
