Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
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