The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
Ok so serious question: if one wanted to say the plural of mongoose, would it be mongooses or mongeese?
i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
As gay men are we obligated to learn the Single Ladies dance.
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
Randomize
