Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
Please advise as to how precisely ashamed I should be if I just became sexually aroused by a Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince preview
you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
Randomize
