Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
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