why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
Randomize
