I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
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