just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
In other news, I just burned my penis
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
Randomize
