I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
Randomize
