just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
Randomize
