I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
Randomize
