PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
Randomize
