the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
Randomize
