Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
Randomize
