you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
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