im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize
