1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
Randomize
