Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
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