I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
Randomize
