something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
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