I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
Barsexuality is the new black.
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
I touched a dick in church today
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
Randomize
