Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
Randomize
