i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
then he tried to convert me to islam
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
Randomize
