we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
Randomize
