well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
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