Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
Randomize
