I'm going to rape someone's good day.
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
Randomize
