Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
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