There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
I will be naked everywhere
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
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