He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
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I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
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I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
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