Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
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