I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
Randomize
