I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
it's like iHOP with fire
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
Everyone says I win the strip club
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
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