i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
Randomize
