I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
Randomize
