Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
Randomize
