I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
I had to cum in my sink.
Randomize
