She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
You are the jesus of drinking
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
Randomize
