Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
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