We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
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