I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
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