you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
Randomize
