i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Randomize
