found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
Randomize
