yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
Randomize
